Because you don’t have rapper money and there’s a party tonight.
I am always one to say that makeup is fun in all forms. Changing up your look for a few hours is part of the self expressive nature of cosmetics. Getting a little weird with your makeup is always welcome. I, myself have green, blue, and neon lipsticks, frosty-funky color highlighter, and I have been itching to bleach my brows. Just for fun. But how weird is too weird? How far is too far in the realms of eccentric makeup?
Creators of temporary tooth polish. Like nail polish but for your teeth. YOUR TEETH!!!
“CHRŌM is a tooth polish, just like nail polish, that can be applied and removed in a matter of seconds, and lasts for up to 24 hours at a time. It doesn’t smudge when you're eating and has no taste” (source)
Need to know: 14 colors, $18
Avaiable at toothpolish.com
Shop here →
Ok. As Americans, we have a pretty basic standard for what teeth should look like. Our ideal is bright, white, straight, and clean teeth. (Lord, doesn’t that say so much, but I digress). So the Chrom tooth polish that makes the most sense to me is the “Pearly White” shade. Maybe you’ve been drinking too much coffee lately and it’s showing on your teeth. You have an event to attend and want brilliant white teeth to make your smile just that much more beautiful. But, with Chrom, you have the option of making your smile sparkle with glitter, with green teeth, and, yes, YELLOW.
This color is Glitterati Chrom. 1 of their 3 glittery shades. Can’t lie, I love glitter and this looks like something I’d give a try to. Maybe. While your teeth look brighter, they also look kind of dirty. But still not too bad.
Ok I almost bought Glitterati Party because this is just freaking cute.
No. No, sorry, Just no. Glitterati Gold looks like you ain’t brushed your teeth in 7 months. I almost called a lawyer to bring a lawsuit for causing me trauma and making my spine cringe!
Chrom toothpolish in Baby Blue and in Mint gave me some positive feels all over again. This is very appropriate for music festivals, laser shows, raves (are they still a thing), basically any party where there is a girl with a hula hoop, pigtails with yarn, and gemstones on her face.
But then this color happened.
24 Karat Toothpolish is cancelled. It looks like she caked Hot Cheetos on to her bottom teeth. It looks like her teeth have been replaced with Cheez-Its. It looks like the concept of a toothbrush had never been introduced. It looks so crazy, it changed history! Oy vey. Ay Dios. No puedo.
And here we have Chrom tooth polish in Sunshine. Right.
When I was a kid, I remember my friends and I pressing silver gum wrappers on to our teeth and pretending we were rappers, singing lyrics no 9 year old should sing. I don’t know about other play grounds around the country, but on 104th between 2nd + 3rd Ave in NYC, that’s what we did. I remember we would also take the brown wrappers off a Reese’s peanut butter cup and wrap them around our teeth and pretend we were hillbillies.
Chrom Tooth Polish is just an extension of that. Playing pretend. Dressing up. Having fun. So I joke about how crazy some of the colors look, but in the end, it is just makeup.